What Would Have Been...

MY DUE DATE!! Today was my 'official' due date. I had mentioned before we had 2 due dates (the 28th or the 31st) but we ran with the latter.

Today my beautiful boy is 1 week and 1 day old. Ethan is a wonderful baby. I hope this sticks around, but he is so placid and content. He doesn't fuss unless naked and doesn't cry even when he has wind. He is an impressive sleeper and an even more impressive eater. He is quieter than Cade, doesn't make as many little baby noises. But he makes up for it with a louder cry than Cade! Not that you hear it much, both my boys aren't much of criers (so far...)

Cade is smitten. He is a smother but so tender. He says, "Cute!" all the time and wants to hold him, bring him to me, hold his hand and constantly is trying to wake him up. If he anywhere remotely close to Ethan he is rubbing his head, can't keep his hands off his little head. Ethan is handling it like a pro though, nothing fazes him at this stage. Just today I was on the phone with Cory and had to leave the room for a minute and when I returned to the room, Cade was in the cradle with Ethan! I would have got a photo but I freaked out, he had to climb over Ethan to lay by him so I had to make sure poor Ethan was ok. He didn't move a muscle, was sound asleep.

This morning Cade came into bed with us at some stage and I didn't know. Ethan woke for a feed and I sat up and got him out of the cradle and Cade woke and asked what I was doing and I told him just feeding little bubba and later I just lay down and held Ethan and Cade snuggled over and was touching heads with him and rubbing his head. It was so endearing. Cade is a beautiful child. He is caring and sweet (unless he is busy bossing you about and then all loveliness goes..) My poor mum has been chastised by Cade more than I can count and I am hoping he snaps out of this quick smart or it will be cause for some serious time outs to say the least!

I am doing ok. I was great yesterday but today I am back to hurting again. My incission just burns sometimes, well most of the time and it bugs me. My milk came in while in the hospital and it didn't hurt near as much as it did with Cade but my back KILLED from it. That has eased a tonne though so I can not complain. My mum is a fantastic second set of hands and feet I tell ya!! We have had some wonderful meals from wonderful friends, thank you so much and some great visitors drop by. It has been so nice as I am still house bound for a little bit.

Here are some pictures for you all to enjoy, hopefully as much as I do!!

Ethan... 1 Day Old

Ethan... 1st day home

Ethan... 1 week old

The Countdown Is On...

This week has been quite an emotional and stressful one to say the least but we have been blessed with some happy news... MY MUM IS COMING!! yay is all I can say! I am super excited that she is able to come. We did not think that this would happen as she has been dealing with the settlement of her insurance case with her car accident she was in just before she was due to come for Cades birth, but things have worked out so she can swing it. What a blessing to me. She arrives as I check out of the hospital and my mother-in-law will be here with us at the hospital and I am SO thankful for that. I found it hard to be alone when in surgery when Cory went with Cade so I am glad my mother-in-law can step in. She is such a great help and I am thankful for her willingness to come. My mum will be here for 4 weeks and it is such a relief to me and to Cory to not have to worry about the adjustment and recovery. He can come and go as usual knowing I have constant support with my mum here.
Life has been so busy and stressful for Cory and this weekend is more of the same. He has a major presentation due this next week and with all of his group away on spring break and me in the hospital next week it makes for some cramming and stressful days. Here's hoping it all comes together for him. That he gets the grades he needs and we can all remain healthy and well with all the stress about.

But the countdown is indeed on... I got the call from the hospital this evening and we have to be there at 5am. Hello early!! We are having our good friend watch Cade and I wanted to wake him and take him on over to her so he wouldn't freak out when he woke and we were not here but I am hoping that perhaps we can keep him asleep or having my mother-in-law stay with him until he wakes and then jet on up to the hospital once she has dropped him off. I am hopeful he is calm and things work out as he is SUPER clingy for me of late and just tonight when I was talking to him about what is coming up he told me I need to be "home to sleep" and that "Cade stay here!" I am stressed about it but there is nothing I can do so I need to let it go.

I am praying my little heart out that things come together well and we are ALL happy, healthy and taken care of. I am a control freak and when I can not control the situation I stress about it, so now is when I need to show faith and trust in the Lord, knowing all is well and that I will be fine, baby boy will be healthy, Cade will be fine, Cory's work and school schedule will be fine, things will be fine!!

Ob Appointment

Today was my last ob appointment for this lovely pregnancy. I love my visits so it makes me somewhat sad but oh so excited at the same time. My blood pressure was back to normal and I am measuring perfectly and babies heart beat was fast and strong. I love that! I am not dilated at all and although I am softening I am not thinning so that is a relief to me that I will make it to Monday!!
Everyone I have been pregnant with seems to be going early or having their babies so it is getting very real to me now. It hasn't 'hit me' yet so to speak, but I am not sure if it really will before our little man arrives. I am busy tying up loose ends and doing that last minute 'spring cleaning' and that combined with entertaining a 2 year old is keeping my mind and body busy. I am so excited to see this little boy though! Yay to be in the all clear to go on Monday and welcome another happy, healthy baby boy Anderson!

1 week

I can not believe this time in a week I will be in recovery with a new little one in my arms!
This pregnancy has simply gone way too fast. I just hope life does not go so fast once a new little one is here. I am really uncomfortable though so I am looking forward to not aching when I move and me not feeling like I want to throw up after eating because this little boy is taking up every itty bitty space available in there. Although it's an all new pain after bub is here....with a c-section...can't think about that... need to focus on the good things like snuggling and kissing and long naps with 2 little boys!
We are still without a name for bub. I am a person that needs to see the baby to feel good with the name I have my heart set on. We have narrowed it down to 3, which is what we did with Cade also, with a couple of throw in spares if those narrowed down names just don't 'fit'. I am excited to see him, I wonder a lot if he will look like Cade. It amazes me how much you can come to know and love a baby before he is even here. I personally think he may be a little calmer than Cade, not that Cade is not calm, he just seems a little less aggressive in utero than Cade did. Cade was seriously the perfect baby though, I always said if I could be guaranteed to have infants like Cade I would have 100! Here's to the wishful thinking paying off. I am just so in love with this little boy already. His movements are so deliberate now and I can feel full on foot prints and a little fist in my side and a little bum protruding... love it! I know I will miss his movements, I did with Cade almost immediately.

Here's to a week of catching up, cleaning up and preparation...

37 Weeks

Well I made it! I am officially full term. I am almost over this cruddy cold thing that I had going on and the coughing is easing slowly but surely. I am hoping we keep any other sickness that maybe lurking around away and remain happy and healthy at the Anderson house.

The last 3 Friday nights I have had BAD contractions that I have thought would land me in the hospital to be monitored but because I don't want to get there and get hooked up and them just turn around and send me home, I just try and fall asleep and if I stay asleep then that is my answer. Thankfully this little strategy is working thus far! I just do not remember contractions at all with Cade. Not like this anyway. Sometimes I can barely breath through them. But we made it! Little boy is kicking and squirming and I am loving that reassurance.

I had my ob appointment last Tuesday and because my Dr is on vacation this next week, it was to be my last ob appointment with him before the c-section. I asked him if it was worth it to have my cervix checked by him before he left (just in case something needed to happen) and he said we by all means could but I had stressed I wanted to be well before surgery as the coughing alone would hurt like no other with a surgical incision, so he said that if he checked me and I was at a 4 or a 5 I would be on complete bed rest and he would want me to remain that way until well or until our scheduled date. So I said, no thanks, don't check me, ignorance is bliss in this situation. My blood pressure was slightly up, which happened last pregnancy too at this time but it wasn't high at all, just up a little to my normal, but still in the normal range.

This week I had a week of pampering. I went and got a pedicure with one of my girlfriends, her hubby and Cory both got us a gift certificate at a spa for Valentines Day so we went and did that. I LOVE pedicures, so relaxing. I also got my hair done last night and it feels SO good to have a fresh cut and colour I tell ya. It had been 4 months since I had my hair done as I was holding out, thinking I might grow it but nope, got it chopped off again. It is just so much easier to do I think.

This last week I have had 3 friends have babies and it is getting exciting, everyone is popping! Ahhh, I can wait another week though until my Dr gets back!!

35 Weeks

This week I am 35 weeks pregnant. I can't believe how quickly it has gone by. Last week didn't seem to go quick enough though. I was just off all week. Tuesday especially. At my ob appointment last Tuesday my Dr decided because I was just having an off day and felt sick, heavy, was contracting etc that he would check my cervix just to be sure all was ok. It was. I wasn't dilated at all (thank goodness) but baby was head down and very low, not a concerning low, just low, alot of pressure (which let me tell you I WAS indeed feeling). My pelvis had been feeling the brunt of it.

This week I am doing much, much better. I still contract a fair bit more than I ever remember with Cade but not like last week, which is good. My pelvis is no longer the pain sufferer but my sciatic nerve is killer! I waddle. Don't laugh!!

I am feeling like it is time to be done and I hate that feeling. It is when discomfort takes over the love I have of being pregnant and that is not a happy day for me. I can safely say I never felt this until I was well into my 38th week with Cade and my blood pressure told the story for me so my Dr decided to induce me that next week. I have just under 4 weeks to go and I so wanted to savor this time... and I will, the best I can anyway. I feel really good other than the aches and pains that come with a growing little one positioning himself. What a blessing to be healthy and well. I have no swelling to speak of or excess fluid and for the most part I am getting some good sleep in. I consider all these things little blessings.

Here are some pics taken today of the 'fat guts' in all glory! (sorry about the poor picture quality, not sure what the go is there...)




And here is 36 weeks pregnant with Cade...

The Date Is Set

I had my 32 week ob appointment today and all is well. I am much relieved to say that we have a date set for the birth of this little boy. Monday March 23rd is the day! My doctor said he will be there so we are all a go on that! I don't know why it is such a relief but it is and I am glad I no longer have to think about it, I will be all too busy with all this nesting I have been up to. It has started a little earlier this time around. I didn't really have as much time to nest when I was pregnant with Cade as I was still working but it came in waves and I tried to do as much as possible before 36 weeks so I could relax as much as I could in those last uncomfortable weeks. I have been having such baby hungry moments this week, especially today, unpacking totes with itty bitty clothes that I just love!! Cade thinks it is dress up and tries to wear the babies things, little spunk he is.

We have had some success and progress in the way of potty training. Cade wore his big boy undies for 3 hours this afternoon without an accident and then when we went to dinner we put a diaper on him and when we returned home he stripped off his pants and wanted to wear his undies again. This is definate progress as he HATED his undies before now. I am so in awe of how big my little boy is getting.

Names

Cory and I NEVER agree on boy names. He is way more open when it comes to girl names but very staunch on boy names. I have created about 50,000 lists of names for him that he has randoming looked through when I have stuck them under his nose and says, "Oh such and such isn't bad!" and I am like, "Really? You like it?" and then a week later he denys any such ramblings or that he even exercised the thought!!
With Cade, I had LOVED this name since I was like 14. I actually liked Caiden but my sister had a little boy almost 7 years ago and named him Aiden so out Caiden went. Cade was always on my short list and Cory never really commented that he liked it at all and he liked another name that I really didn't so we had our list narrowed to 3 names when we were having Cade. Cory actually chose Cade when he was still nameless after day one but because it was on my list I think he claims I actually chose it! I know better and I told him, instant replay in Heaven as he has a crappy memory (see previous denial of said conversations as mentioned!!).

So what I was thinking.... maybe I can compile a NEW list.... something I neither came up with nor did Cory and we can meet on even ground.... what do you think?
Either way I figure it will be a bit of fun for all to suggest some names (that said, said little boy may not have ANY of the those names suggested, but I would love your input none the less). Middle names (yes names, we do not agree on ANY of this childs name) are decided, Cory Benjamin.

Have at it!! Give me your boy names, whether ones that were thrown out by you or your husband or ones that you just think are too cute not to share!!

32 Weeks

I have now reached the 'I'm starting to feel uncomfortable stage', where you have to rock to get of the couch or use your husbands arm as leverage! I really, really love being pregnant but I do not enjoy the loss of sleep associated with hot flashes in the night and the 'I just can't get comfortable feeling'. If these are my only complaints... I am one lucky lady!

I watched both boys ultrasound DVD's yesterday as I was feeling a bit nostalgic after organizing some video tapes (yep getting organized for bub) and got to watch one of Cade from the last year or so. He is just such an enjoyable child. I really love to see how he has grown and us along with him and look forward to the addition of a little brother and that new chapter of our lives. I am quite happy to wait at least another 6 weeks to see him though! You watch, I will eat my words most likely now that I have said that out loud! I never wanted to be someone who wished a pregnancy to finish, I love being pregnant and want to savor all the good moments I have. I remember when I had Cade I instantly missed waking to movement, and the constant and easy companionship that was. I am not sure if I will feel as much that way this time, this little one rolls and tumbles as opposed to kicking and for some reason it makes me feel sick and often grosses me out. I do love the movement, it is reassuring at the best of times but he really takes up my whole abdomen and I often feel a limb on both sides at the same time, acrobat boy I tell ya.

I had a slight panic attack the other night when I realised we are almost into February which means a baby (aka major surgery) is not far away! Believe it or not, the scariest parts I think about now are the epidural or spinal what ever they will use and them checking my uterus afterwards every 2 or so hours. The checking KILLED! I cried twice with it. Both my incisions lined up just perfect that when any pressure was put on that area it would rub them together.... oh the joy!

Anyway, that said, I am very much looking forward to meeting this lovely little man and will be glad when a name is chosen and we can be all home together!

The Dilemma

As you may (or may not for that matter) know, Cade was breech when I went to be induced to have him. I was fully engaged on Friday when I had my membranes scrapped and he backed his little self out and flipped completely over that weekend and Wednesday morning we went to be induced and the Dr could no longer tell how much I was dilated as a little someone was no longer putting pressure on my cervix. A quick ultrasound later and the little wormer, squirmer was confirmed breech. A (very painful) version was not successful even though we tried and less than an hour later a little 7lb 6oz baby boy was born via c-section....

We early on in our current pregnancy came to terms with the fact that I would settle for a repeat c-section as the thoughts of getting 12 hours into a labor and having it end in an emergency were weighing heavily and I wanted to keep my same Dr, same hospital etc. (my local hospital does not have the option of a VBAC - vaginal birth after caesarean). So that long story leads me to my current dilemma....

About a month ago my ob/gyn asked if I had given any thought to a particular date that I was aiming for or wanted for the date of delivery and Cory and I had given it some thought and were hoping for March 20th, the Friday of Spring Break as this is Cory's dad's birthday and we thought that would be kind of nice, plus we would have a whole 'down' week where Cory could help me around the house with no running off to class or a great deal of study before little boy made his appearance. So we ran this past my Dr and he said that would work perfect, that it fell on a surgery day and worked well as I would be a day before 39 weeks (by his dates). AWESOME!!

Then this last week (well, 2 weeks on Tuesday), he tells me he will actually be out of town and that I can choose another Dr to deliver bub and perform the surgery or I can push it back to the following Monday (the 23rd) and that although this is not a normal surgery day they can make it happen. I got to thinking about it and I believe my Dr has Mondays off, I know he does from the women's clinic atleast and I really don't want to make him come in the day he gets back from vacation and it being his day off and have to do my delivery.

I am leaning toward pushing it back to the 23rd as I would LOVE my same Dr. I do not really want to go before he leaves for vacation as he really didn't offer this as a choice and I will be less than 38 weeks and I know they don't like to do that and I don't want to go that early either.... so hence the dilemma.

He told me to talk it over and that no final decision really needs to be made for a while if I can't decide but because Cory wasn't with me I wanted to talk to him etc. I figure, Monday might work better as I am going to be in hospital for atleast 3 days anyway and he can just take the rest of the week off when I get home as opposed to having bub on Friday, me get home Monday and he have to take the whole week off... make sense....

We are going to visit with him on Tuesday and see if he really is happy to come in on that Monday and we will most likely go with that if he is perfectly fine to do so.

What do you think?? I have 2 'official' due dates, the 28th March and the 31st March, so that being the case, if we had baby Monday 23rd he would be 39 weeks 3 days gestation or 39 weeks even which is really as long as I think they like to leave you pregnant when you are having a repeat c-section... (will be checking on that with the Dr on Tuesday to be sure we are ok).

Anyway, that was WAY longer than I thought it would be, thinking out loud does that apparently! :)

Into The Third Trimester

Wow, my pregnancy seems to have flown by lately. Friends and family have mentioned on various occasions that my pregnancy seems to be going fast but just this week I have realized that it really has flown by. This is most likely due to the fact that we have a scheduled delivery date of the 20th March and that feels so surreal to think about, like it is someone else we are talking about! I had my 28 week appointment with the glucose tolerance test and that came back all clear, thank goodness! I had to have a follow up 3 hour one with my pregnancy with Cade so I am super glad that came back clear the first time round. My iron levels are low so onto the suppliments I am! ARGH
I so love pregnancy and I am feeling really good. I am hoping to keep sickness at bay and remain as healthy as at all possible!
Here is a pick of this growing little man and one that is still very nameless and will be until we see him I am thinking.

Half Way

Well I have officially reached 20 weeks and am feeling great. Morning sickness is finally over and that is a happy day for all!! I had my iron levels tested yesterday and am slightly iron deficient. Yuck!! I don't know how, I must eat red meat atleast 4 times a week as I can not stomach chicken this pregnancy. Other than that I am hoping for an uneventful next 28-29 weeks, yep scheduled c-section during spring break at this stage. We planned that one well... hehe.

Can't go posting about being half-way without a pic!!

Here is pics from 18 weeks in my pregnancy with Cade.

And here I am today... with little boy number 2.
(I so think I am smaller this time... well atleast carrying differently)

Baby Boy Ultrasound

Baby Boy was indeed putting on a show, he was sucking, smiling and staring at the probe. It was fantastic! We got some great pictures and an awesome DVD that captured the poser in fine form!!


I will give you a run down on the days happenings yesterday. I was meant to have my ob appointment and ultrasound next Tuesday (11th) and I called up there on Monday as there was drama's with our blue cross insurance that had finally been sorted so I called to get that situated. My sister-in-law works there answered the phone and transferred me to bookkeeping and when I was done with that call she called me back and told me I wasn't book for the ultrasound just an ob appointment and she was looking an NOTHING was open until December with the ultrasound tech. I about cried I tell ya. Stupid I know but you get so nervous and excited and then to have it pushed back a month... not happy. She asked if I could come in the next day however as there was one appointment opened. I said, "I'll take it!" then she told me it was at 1:30pm which is right smack in the middle of Cory's classes. ARGH!! I kept the appointment after talking with Cory and figured I would be going alone but he was able to talk to his teachers and swung it to come! I was so glad.
We were asked if we wanted to know the sex and we said, "Heck yes!" and Cory had been indicating through little comments he has made that we were having a boy. I really have felt like I was having a boy but seriously thought timing wise based on ovulation etc that it was a sure thing to be a girl but felt like I was carrying a boy.
This little bub was putting on quite a show I tell ya and the tech said right away, "ok I can tell already what the sex is!" and I could too, just like Cade, he was mooning us to show all his glory and there was no denying he was a proud boy!! I was big smiles and Cory goes, "I KNEW IT!" pumping his fist in the air all proud! He was just so pleased for another boy! I am so happy. I am surprised that I am so happy actually... not that this little man was not wanted, just that I was worried others would be a little disappointed to know we were having a boy, but as Cory said, we are happy and that seriously is all that counts. I had always said when Cade was young, if I could be guaranteed boys like Cade I would have 100 of them. He was the most delightful baby and is such a beautiful spirited little boy and I can just see myself with a little boy either side of me in the church pew and that makes me smile. I am tickled!!
On my side of the family each of my sisters have had the opposite sex with their second child so they were planning on a little girl I think. I have totally thrown the system off with my 2 boys... 2 boys! That is so neat to say! Technically with the 'system' on my side Cade was meant to be a girl as it had gone in order, boy, girl, boy, girl etc and a girl was next but nope, a gorgeous little boy it was and then we have thrown it off again with another little boy!! Hey we are making our own tracks it seems and could not be happier!

Thank you to the those that wished us well and for the congrats you have given. We really appreciate it and are just smitten by these 2 little men we have created!!

Baby

Just a quick note, I will post pictures and more info tomorrow but we are expecting a BABY BOY!!
We are so excited and Cory is so over the moon he could hardly contain himself...
Will post more tomorrow if Daddy can get baby scanned!

Exciting

Our ob appointment got moved up a week as there was a scheduling problem and they didn't schedule me for the ultrasound as well. So tomorrow is the day we may know the gender of this little baby! Cast your final votes and pray for a happy healthy little one!

Baby

We had our 3rd Ob appointment today and I seem to be carrying so low, I am measuring right and am just about to my belly button with the size of my uterus but baby was way down low to listen for a heartbeat. I remember at our 1st appointment this pregnancy that baby was on its head for the most part so maybe that's what's happening, who knows really they move about so much. We scheduled our ultrasound to also find out baby's gender on the 11th November. Very exciting! Is it just me or do others get nervous to find out the gender? I don't know if it is because I worry they might get it wrong or because it is also the time to pick up on anything that might pose a problem and that worries me. I just need to not stress about it and focus on those things I can control I guess. So you have another 19 days to cast your votes on your predictions on this baby's gender!!

Feeling The Pull....

One of the hardest things I have found when pregnant is dealing with issues or trials that come along. I do not process very well when hormonal I have come to realize.
My pregnancy with Cade was so very wanted and althought it took us some time and I was sick (probably the best morning sickness one can get really), it was so worth every minute to have a happy, healthy baby. My pregnancy was laced with sadness in the fact that our brother-in-law Brett was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer at only 29 years old and it was just such a shock and a blow to all of us. I can not tell you how much I wished things were different at that time. My mum was also in a terrible accident 10 days before she was to fly out of Australia to come for Cade's birth and that was a time I had never felt so hopeless or helpless. I kept thinking that had my mum died, I couldn't have even travelled to her funeral I was so heavily pregnant. These stresses I truly did not cope well with. I look back and I did well in the fact that I had the happiness of this gorgeous child in which to lose myself but it was a hard time.
This pregnancy has not been without it's trials also. I share these things not for sympathy or understanding but merely to record for myself as my blog is essentially a thinking journal. My oldest nephew, Kallan, who is 10 years old, has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It is also a bone cancer. It is however a primary cancer, meaning, usually bone cancer is a secondary cancer but not in Kal's case. His is not terminal. It is in fact very treatable so there is definate positives to us. This cancer is a rare cancer that affects usually boys between the ages of 10-25 when they do the majority of their growing. It seems to affect the largest bones in the lower extremity (femur and tibia) and the upper arm bone (humerus). Kallans tumor is in his right humerus and is about 6cm x 5 1/2cm in size. He has seen some great doctors and has now been told he does have cancer. His parents had told him he had a tumor but decided against telling him he had cancer initially, which we all could totally understand. Kallan met with a specialist (I actually think it is the Dr that will oversee his treatment) and he did tell Kal he had cancer and that he had to be strong but they would get through it together. Kallan has a biopsy tomorrow and a PET scan I think it is and from there they will be scheduling 12 weeks of chemo. The hospital that is caring for Kallan is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from where they live and they will have to live in Ronald McDonald housing 3 days out of the week for his treatments. After the 12 weeks I believe they will remove the cancer affected bone and zap it directly with radiation and I am not sure if they replace it in the arm or if he received a grafted bone from elsewhere. I guess we will know more as time goes on. The doctor has said that the cancer had not spread but the scan tomorrow will confirm this. I just pray with all my heart he will pull through with flying colors. He is a fighter. Kallan holds a very special place in my heart. He was the first grand baby born and I was 16 when Kallan was born and I remember it very clearly. He was the most gorgeous child, always smiling, always happy. I have found myself at times, looking through photos of the kids when they were younger and Kallan and Cade look almost like the same child in some photos, it is relly nice to see. Kallan is probably the one that knows me the best out of all my nieces and nephews as he was the oldest when we left to move here. I just so wish I was there to love on him!
I also just got a call that my mum is in hospital. This is never a good thing. I started to feel the panic and my sister explained that she was violently ill, vomiting etc and had gone to the hospital and they sent her home with my sister and another of my sisters went to be with her for the day and she was so ill she couldn't even walk or crawl or anything to make it to the bathroom. They immediately took her to the hospital again and had her admitted. Poor thing. She can't even move her head without getting sick. They gave her a CT scan and ruled out bleeding on the brain for stroke etc but are thinking it may be vertigo. She is still in the hospital and is too ill for calls or visitors so I will have to wait to hear what the outcome is. It is awful to not be there at these times. I so feel the pull to want to be there, helping in some way. I have 4 sisters that all live really close to my mum and I know she is in the best hands possible and so is Kallan and his family for that matter. I just wish I was able to click my heels together and transport myself there and back whenever I wanted. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me when we moved, to not be there when family dramas occur but it has been harder than I imagined and that is possibly due to the pregnancy hormones running rampant also.
I just pray and pray knowing that Heavenly Father is where I can not be and taking care of things I can not. What a blessing and comfort prayer is to me at times like these. I just so dearly love my extended family and want nothing but health, strength and happiness for each of them. I just so feel that fight or flight pull to want to be there in every which way.

Feeling the pull

One of the hardest things I have found when pregnant is dealing with issues or trials that come along. I do not process very well when hormonal I have come to realize.
My pregnancy with Cade was so very wanted and althought it took us some time and I was sick (probably the best morning sickness one can get really), it was so worth every minute to have a happy, healthy baby. My pregnancy was laced with sadness in the fact that our brother-in-law Brett was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer at only 29 years old and it was just such a shock and a blow to all of us. I can not tell you how much I wished things were different at that time. My mum was also in a terrible accident 10 days before she was to fly out of Australia to come for Cade's birth and that was a time I had never felt so hopeless or helpless. I kept thinking that had my mum died, I couldn't have even travelled to her funeral I was so heavily pregnant. These stresses I truly did not cope well with. I look back and I did well in the fact that I had the happiness of this gorgeous child in which to lose myself but it was a hard time.
This pregnancy has not been without it's trials also. I share these things not for sympathy or understanding but merely to record for myself as my blog is essentially a thinking journal. My oldest nephew, Kallan, who is 10 years old, has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It is also a bone cancer. It is however a primary cancer, meaning, usually bone cancer is a secondary cancer but not in Kal's case. His is not terminal. It is in fact very treatable so there is definate positives to us. This cancer is a rare cancer that affects usually boys between the ages of 10-25 when they do the majority of their growing. It seems to affect the largest bones in the lower extremity (femur and tibia) and the upper arm bone (humerus). Kallans tumor is in his right humerus and is about 6cm x 5 1/2cm in size. He has seen some great doctors and has now been told he does have cancer. His parents had told him he had a tumor but decided against telling him he had cancer initially, which we all could totally understand. Kallan met with a specialist (I actually think it is the Dr that will oversee his treatment) and he did tell Kal he had cancer and that he had to be strong but they would get through it together. Kallan has a biopsy tomorrow and a PET scan I think it is and from there they will be scheduling 12 weeks of chemo. The hospital that is caring for Kallan is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from where they live and they will have to live in Ronald McDonald housing 3 days out of the week for his treatments. After the 12 weeks I believe they will remove the cancer affected bone and zap it directly with radiation and I am not sure if they replace it in the arm or if he received a grafted bone from elsewhere. I guess we will know more as time goes on. The doctor has said that the cancer had not spread but the scan tomorrow will confirm this. I just pray with all my heart he will pull through with flying colors. He is a fighter. Kallan holds a very special place in my heart. He was the first grand baby born and I was 16 when Kallan was born and I remember it very clearly. He was the most gorgeous child, always smiling, always happy. I have found myself at times, looking through photos of the kids when they were younger and Kallan and Cade look almost like the same child in some photos, it is relly nice to see. Kallan is probably the one that knows me the best out of all my nieces and nephews as he was the oldest when we left to move here. I just so wish I was there to love on him!
I also just got a call that my mum is in hospital. This is never a good thing. I started to feel the panic and my sister explained that she was violently ill, vomiting etc and had gone to the hospital and they sent her home with my sister and another of my sisters went to be with her for the day and she was so ill she couldn't even walk or crawl or anything to make it to the bathroom. They immediately took her to the hospital again and had her admitted. Poor thing. She can't even move her head without getting sick. They gave her a CT scan and ruled out bleeding on the brain for stroke etc but are thinking it may be vertigo. She is still in the hospital and is too ill for calls or visitors so I will have to wait to hear what the outcome is. It is awful to not be there at these times. I so feel the pull to want to be there, helping in some way. I have 4 sisters that all live really close to my mum and I know she is in the best hands possible and so is Kallan and his family for that matter. I just wish I was able to click my heels together and transport myself there and back whenever I wanted. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me when we moved, to not be there when family dramas occur but it has been harder than I imagined and that is possibly due to the pregnancy hormones running rampant also.
I just pray and pray knowing that Heavenly Father is where I can not be and taking care of things I can not. What a blessing and comfort prayer is to me at times like these. I just so dearly love my extended family and want nothing but health, strength and happiness for each of them. I just so feel that fight or flight pull to want to be there in every which way.

End 1st Trimester....Start 2nd Trimester

I had Cory take a couple of pics last night of the ever expanding belly... I am almost 14 weeks (by my dates, 14 weeks today by measurements). The first 2 pics are this pregnancy and the next one is from about the same week with my pregnancy with Cade. I am so much bigger I think!

Newsy News....

Here are a couple of hints....


Yes indeedy we are pregnant! We are really excited. I was a little shocked at how quickly it happen for us this time around as it was a year to the day that we first started trying, when found out we were pregnant with Cade. This time it seemed it was the week we decided to start trying that I fell pregnant. Meant to be apparently!!
I am into my 13th week so on my way to my 2nd trimester. I have been quite sick this time. Different to how I was with Cade in alot of ways. This time my sickness comes in waves and catches me unaware where my pregnancy with Cade was kinder in the fact that it was much more predicatable. I also have no appetite, I am hungry but nothing sounds good whatsoever and that is a stark constrast to how I was with Cade so I am still trying to get over the sickness hump. I have popped a bit, seemed to start showing almost right away. By now I am the equivilent to how I was at about 16 weeks with my pregnancy with Cade. At night I look huge in my opinion but Cory disagrees... but he is too baised to be a help!!
I had my first ob appointment at the end of August (and as soon as I figure out the pic I will try and upload it). I love going to that first appointment, actually I enjoy all my ob appointments, but I do get anxious and hope all is well each time and that worrying part I don't so much enjoy. My mum was here and was able to come to the ultrasound and it was just so exciting to see our baby. Baby was moving a fair bit, more so than I remember with Cade. Little arms and legs going crazy, swimming about, it is always nice to see.
Today was my second appointment and it was a quick one, check up and listen to the heartbeat and that was that. It surprises me that they can see and hear baby so well this time around as with Cade I had to have ultrasounds clear up until my 17th week as Cade was so far back or because of my tilted uterus you couldn't audibly hear his heartbeat clear enough for me to hear it also.
I am due at the end of March but I will have a scheduled c-section the 3rd week in March, so likely by the 20th baby will be here.