Feeling The Pull....

One of the hardest things I have found when pregnant is dealing with issues or trials that come along. I do not process very well when hormonal I have come to realize.
My pregnancy with Cade was so very wanted and althought it took us some time and I was sick (probably the best morning sickness one can get really), it was so worth every minute to have a happy, healthy baby. My pregnancy was laced with sadness in the fact that our brother-in-law Brett was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer at only 29 years old and it was just such a shock and a blow to all of us. I can not tell you how much I wished things were different at that time. My mum was also in a terrible accident 10 days before she was to fly out of Australia to come for Cade's birth and that was a time I had never felt so hopeless or helpless. I kept thinking that had my mum died, I couldn't have even travelled to her funeral I was so heavily pregnant. These stresses I truly did not cope well with. I look back and I did well in the fact that I had the happiness of this gorgeous child in which to lose myself but it was a hard time.
This pregnancy has not been without it's trials also. I share these things not for sympathy or understanding but merely to record for myself as my blog is essentially a thinking journal. My oldest nephew, Kallan, who is 10 years old, has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It is also a bone cancer. It is however a primary cancer, meaning, usually bone cancer is a secondary cancer but not in Kal's case. His is not terminal. It is in fact very treatable so there is definate positives to us. This cancer is a rare cancer that affects usually boys between the ages of 10-25 when they do the majority of their growing. It seems to affect the largest bones in the lower extremity (femur and tibia) and the upper arm bone (humerus). Kallans tumor is in his right humerus and is about 6cm x 5 1/2cm in size. He has seen some great doctors and has now been told he does have cancer. His parents had told him he had a tumor but decided against telling him he had cancer initially, which we all could totally understand. Kallan met with a specialist (I actually think it is the Dr that will oversee his treatment) and he did tell Kal he had cancer and that he had to be strong but they would get through it together. Kallan has a biopsy tomorrow and a PET scan I think it is and from there they will be scheduling 12 weeks of chemo. The hospital that is caring for Kallan is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from where they live and they will have to live in Ronald McDonald housing 3 days out of the week for his treatments. After the 12 weeks I believe they will remove the cancer affected bone and zap it directly with radiation and I am not sure if they replace it in the arm or if he received a grafted bone from elsewhere. I guess we will know more as time goes on. The doctor has said that the cancer had not spread but the scan tomorrow will confirm this. I just pray with all my heart he will pull through with flying colors. He is a fighter. Kallan holds a very special place in my heart. He was the first grand baby born and I was 16 when Kallan was born and I remember it very clearly. He was the most gorgeous child, always smiling, always happy. I have found myself at times, looking through photos of the kids when they were younger and Kallan and Cade look almost like the same child in some photos, it is relly nice to see. Kallan is probably the one that knows me the best out of all my nieces and nephews as he was the oldest when we left to move here. I just so wish I was there to love on him!
I also just got a call that my mum is in hospital. This is never a good thing. I started to feel the panic and my sister explained that she was violently ill, vomiting etc and had gone to the hospital and they sent her home with my sister and another of my sisters went to be with her for the day and she was so ill she couldn't even walk or crawl or anything to make it to the bathroom. They immediately took her to the hospital again and had her admitted. Poor thing. She can't even move her head without getting sick. They gave her a CT scan and ruled out bleeding on the brain for stroke etc but are thinking it may be vertigo. She is still in the hospital and is too ill for calls or visitors so I will have to wait to hear what the outcome is. It is awful to not be there at these times. I so feel the pull to want to be there, helping in some way. I have 4 sisters that all live really close to my mum and I know she is in the best hands possible and so is Kallan and his family for that matter. I just wish I was able to click my heels together and transport myself there and back whenever I wanted. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me when we moved, to not be there when family dramas occur but it has been harder than I imagined and that is possibly due to the pregnancy hormones running rampant also.
I just pray and pray knowing that Heavenly Father is where I can not be and taking care of things I can not. What a blessing and comfort prayer is to me at times like these. I just so dearly love my extended family and want nothing but health, strength and happiness for each of them. I just so feel that fight or flight pull to want to be there in every which way.