Thursday, October 23, 2008

Baby

We had our 3rd Ob appointment today and I seem to be carrying so low, I am measuring right and am just about to my belly button with the size of my uterus but baby was way down low to listen for a heartbeat. I remember at our 1st appointment this pregnancy that baby was on its head for the most part so maybe that's what's happening, who knows really they move about so much. We scheduled our ultrasound to also find out baby's gender on the 11th November. Very exciting! Is it just me or do others get nervous to find out the gender? I don't know if it is because I worry they might get it wrong or because it is also the time to pick up on anything that might pose a problem and that worries me. I just need to not stress about it and focus on those things I can control I guess. So you have another 19 days to cast your votes on your predictions on this baby's gender!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Kallan

I just had to add these pics I got today of my nephew Kallan. I just so love him to bits. Life has been difficult for Kal and family lately but I am so thankful each day is a new one and he seems to be doing well for the most part. I must check his blog about 5 times a day to see if there is any news. I am just so thankful for family and the support that they are to each other. I miss them so much and wish with all my heart I could be in 2 places at once a lot of the time. Kallan, Shay, Karina and Darren I just so love you and want each of you to know that. You are constantly in our prayers!

Kallan... the little stud!

Kal and Shay, what a beautiful photo

Friday, October 17, 2008

Inspired

Lately, I have been having an awakening. They say that if you hear the same message by 3 witnesses of Christ, namely an Apostle or a Prophet that you should quickly heed the words and I have really felt that of late. All through conference and this last Sunday and then through out this week I have heard so much on the following things. I have felt the need to live for now, not stress but to prepare, prepare, prepare. Make my prayers more meaningful, know my Savior and to save, save, save.

I received this email last night from my mother-in-law and I have to admit on a pregnant mind it seriously made me lose sleep and I worried all night dreaming about food storage, making a list of battery operated items I need etc etc. Then I had awful thoughts of c-sections done on MASH... crazy pregnant mind that worries when half asleep.

I will warn you this message is LONG but is so needed to hear and I just wanted to share.

Date: Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 5:51 PM
This past Sunday we had a special treat when President Packer asked to speak to us in lieu of Fast and Testimony meeting. In the 20 years we have lived in this
ward, this has NEVER happened before. We are so fortunate to have a member in our ward, Christine Nielsen, who takes short hand and got most of what he said written down (she's incredible!) and has shared it with us so I am sending it on to you. He gives some great insight and advice for what we are facing in our economy today.

Dear Family,
We awoke this beautiful morning to the first snow of the season. The tree branches outside my front window looked like big fluffy cotton balls sticking up in the air! As I drove to Church, I had the fleeting thought that I wished I had time to stop and take photos of the hillside, covered with long, golden brown autumn grasses, blanketed in snow. So beautiful! And yet, I'm so grateful that I didn't stop and linger on my way to Church, because we have been blessed with the most amazing and
inspiring Sabbath day!
It's Fast & Testimony Sunday in our ward today, so we gathered together in prayer and fasting, prepared for the regular Sunday services. Instead, as our Bishop rose to announce the meeting program, he said...
"I was sitting in my office this morning before Church, just pondering things, when President Packer walked by and asked if he could address us this morning. Of course, I thought about it for a few minutes...*[laughter]* Actually, I didn't have to think about it at all. What a blessing it is to have President Packer as a member of our ward and to be able to serve with him and be counseled by him. We'll turn the balance of the meeting over to President Boyd K. Packer."
President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, then addressed us for the remainder of the meeting. Attached are notes of the comments, thoughts, and counsel he shared with us...I can't even begin to describe what an amazing and wonderful meeting it was today. The Spirit was so strong and the counsel so heartfelt and direct: a personal message for us, each of us, delivered by an Apostle of the Lord, from the Lord. A message to counsel, inspire, and strengthen us in troubled and worry-filled times. And yet so uplifting! Reminding us of the great promises the Lord has made to us. It was a sacred experience and I am so grateful I was there and that I'm able to share some part of it with you.
As you take a few minutes to read, I hope you'll be touched by the sweet spirit and counsel of President Packer's message and the love and hope he expressed. May you be inspired for your own home and family. And may you be blessed with a wonderful week!

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles Speaking at the Forest Bend Ward, Salt Lake City UT Sunday, October 12, 2008
“Even though I regularly have the opportunity to attend Fast and Testimony meeting, I don’t usually stand to speak. But today, I feel moved upon by the Spirit to share a message… Last weekend’s General Conference was different than any before. We felt that down at Church Headquarters and have been talking about it all week. We live in troubled times. There is great financial crisis and we’ve seen something that hasn’t happened in the last 60 years: the world’s financial markets are collapsing. I was six years old when the Great Depression began: the 10th of 11 children. My father was a mechanic and times were difficult for all of us. Many families were suddenly out of work all at once. There were large public projects to try and provide employment – like the great ditch or canal I remember being dug here in our city. It was at least six feet deep and dug by hand, with pick and ax. Nowadays, we’d use a piece of machinery to do it. But in those days, people worked with what we had. They were desperate times for many. There were things as a child that I didn’t understand and was afraid of. I didn’t like to go into the basement of our home. I thought the Boogeyman lived there. But as I grew older and we got some lights down there, I realized that the great dark space underneath the stairs was a large pile of old shoes. As a pair of shoes we were wearing would wear out or break down, we didn’t throw them out. We would use a shoe from that old pile as spare parts to repair our shoes or make new ones. It was just the way you did things in those times.
There’s a scripture that says “Yet learn we obedience by the same things we suffer.” It seems sometimes that we don’t learn until we need to turn and rely upon the Lord. In the Book of Mormon, well, if you looked in my copy, in the Book of Helaman about chapter 12 or 13, you’d see that I’ve written-in a swirling chain of circles across the top of the page. It might look like old cursive, but that’s not what it’s meant to be. It’s meant to remind me of the cycles of the people. In times when they were blessed with great prosperity and wealth, they forgot the Lord. Then when they fell to bad habits which led some to wickedness and placed many in peril, the righteous would turn/return to the Lord in their humbler circumstances. It’s a cycle of prosperity and wickedness we see repeated over and over again in the scriptures and now again in our day.
I remember once I went deer hunting with Brother Tuttle and some others. We were up in the mountains, riding on horseback. He went up one side of the canyon, and I went up the other. As I was riding, I bent over and just nearly kissed the saddle horn as we passed a low cedar tree that was right by the path. Well as we passed the cedar tree, there was no more path on the other side of it and the way before us was just a dropping hillside covered with loose shaley rock. I kicked my feet clear of the stirrups, just in case the horse reacted badly, and it was a good thing I did. She reared up and I was thrown back. I hit my head on some rocks and got a cut right above my eyebrow that was bleeding heavily. I’d been holding my rifle in my hand and as my hand flew back and hit heavily against a rock, it broke as well. So I was laying there hurt and shaken. My companions on the other side of the canyon had seen what happened and I heard Brother Tuttle call out “Are you hurt?” I replied “Yes, I’m bleeding!” He called out again “Are you hurt?” I called again “Yes, I’m bleeding!”, but the wind was blowing the wrong way and they couldn’t hear me. The fourth time this happened, I yelled in response “No!” And they called back “Okay!” and continued to ride on up the mountain. That’s lesson one!
I finally got myself up, caught my horse down the mountain where she had gotten caught in some branches, and managed to get into town where I was bandaged up and my hand was tended to.
Shortly after that, I was traveling on business and was at the airport. A fellow traveler, an older man not of our faith, saw my bandaged hand and asked if I was all right. I replied rather off-handedly. And he responded that it was something I would remember all the rest of my days. He then told me that he had once worked at digging a canal – now that caught my attention because I remembered the canal I have mentioned. He said that he was out of work at the time [the Great Depression] and couldn’t find employment. He saw the canal being dug and knew that if he asked the foreman for a job, he would be turned away. He saw a spare pick laying there, so he picked it up and started working. A short while later, the foreman walked by and, not recognizing him, asked him what he was doing. He explained to me that he told the foreman he was out of work and stated “I need to work. You don’t have to pay me, but I need to work.” Well, as you might expect, they worked things out and he was paid for his labors. We then proceeded to talk, this older fellow and I, and I have remembered his counsel. Now I am the old man giving counsel to you.
In the Great Depression, people were frightened and growing more so. They began to be veryresourceful. They had to be. Looking forward, we’re all going to learn that lesson, one way or another.

The Church is in excellent condition. You don’t need to worry about that. But as individuals we will face difficulty. Some will come to the Bishop seeking financial aid and counsel. And as judges in Israel, the Bishop will respond. The time for financial largess in our ward activities is over.” [President Packer then turned directly to our Bishop and counseled him that last year’s youth trip to Nauvoo, which was, President Packer said, a great opportunity for testimony building and missionary work, will not happen again. Times of/for that sort of expense in the
Church are past.]

President Packer then shared experiences of providing aid and service after the great Tsunami devastated Indonesia. He recalled... “I was speaking on the phone with a government minister who said “I’m standing in Banda Aceh and you cannot imagine what I am seeing. A city of a million people has been swept away and there is nothing.” A week later, I was standing in area of Banda Aceh and the need was immense.
“What do you need?” I asked.
“Body bags” was the reply. So we found 20,000 body bags in China and had them on a plane the next day. A call came, “we need 30 [thousand] more.” We found them and they were sent.
The next call “do you have any motorcycles? We need to get back into the mountain villages with aid and medical supplies, but the roads are gone. Trucks can’t get through and elephants are too slow. If we had motorcycles, we could get through.”
“Are they to be found in Asia” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. So we found the motorcycles and had them on their way the next day.

The Church is sound and is able to provide these types of aid as a back-up where there is need.
We [as members and in our individual wards] are the back-up position of the Church. Learn to apply the old Pioneer adage – “Eat [use] it up. Wear it out. Make do, or do without.” We’re going to have to learn to do without. Again, “Eat it up. Wear it out. Make do, or do without.” Even if we have the resources, we need to do more to be thrifty. Others will rely on us. The Church will rely on us. It is our responsibility and duty to be caring for ourselves, our family, and those around us. Be watching for need. Set something by that we can be of help to others when the time comes. Trust in the counsel of our wise elders/older people.

There are nearly 60,000 missionaries serving throughout the world today. The cost to support a missionary is right about $400 a month today. That’s $4,800 a year. Consider if we have the resources that there may be others who don’t and who have a need. When Brother Tuttle was a young man, he had a strong desire to serve a mission. But he didn’t have the money to pay for it, and his family didn’t have the money for it. So Brother Tuttle thought of who was the richest man in his town and, after saying a prayer, he approached him. A loan was made, a mission served, and the loan repaid. Those who need our help may not always ask us.

It’s about time the Lord taught us a lesson. A great catastrophe is coming. Now I probably shouldn’t say that because then it will happen. But it is going to happen. That’s what it will take to turn our hearts to the Lord. And we will learn from it.

Our prayers will be different, less selfish. The scripture says “If ye are prepared, ye need not fear.” Renew your prayers. You can [also] think a prayer. Carry a prayer in your heart throughout the day. Learn to pray for that which is of worth. Another scripture says “…do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.” (2 Nephi 9:51) That can be applied both spiritually [to prayer] and physically. Use what we have. If something is broken, fix it. Our young people are going to see different times than what they are used to. To you teenagers, your life will be different. Things are changing. You will have to do without some of the things you are used to expecting. Don’t be afraid. Change your life to do without the extravagances and luxuries that you’ve expected.

Learn to pray. There’s a difference between ‘saying prayers’ and praying. A wonderful time is coming – it’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to be short. But don’t be afraid.

Brother Tuttle was one of the Seventy when there were just seven of them. Now there are eight quorums of the Seventy called to go throughout all the world. It’s an apostolic calling to teach the gospel to every nation, people and tongue. They’ll know what to do and will lead and counsel where they are called.

Take care of what we’ve got. Begin to save. The rainy day is coming – in fact, the snowy day is already here [in reference to today’s first winter snow]. Reset our expectations. Give up selfishness. Wickedness is all around us. In today’s world, it’s not safe for children to be outside alone. We need to be ever watchful. We need to protect ourselves from the wickedness, avarice, and greed in the world.

Read the scriptures and the revelations. The guidance and counsel are there. Read with new eyes, and the scriptures, the Book of Mormon, will take on new meaning.

As President Bush and world leaders gather in the coming week and the weeks ahead, there will be no easy answers or solutions. Hard times are ahead and it’s difficult for them to see what to do. It’s important to listen to the Sprit. We are led by prophets and apostles. We can see ahead. We can be and are prepared.

I pronounce upon you an Apostolic blessing. Comfort our children. Little children can be afraid of things we might not think of. Comfort them and strengthen our families. Turn off the television and focus on family. Pay your tithing. The promise is there – pay your tithing and you’ll be watched over. You’ll be alright. None of us is exempt from trials. If hard times come upon you and your income dwindles, remember that tithing is equitable for everyone: 10%. If you have nothing, then it’s 10% of practically nothing. Pay your tithing, do what you’re supposed to do. You’ll be comforted.

Sure trials will come. Because of them, faith will increase. Happiness will increase. Security will increase. You’ll be glad to be alive at this time. It’s a good time to be living. To be raising children. I leave this testimony, counsel, and blessing with you in the holy name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.”


Do you feel it, he urgency, the need to get to work? I sure did.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

8 TV shows I like to watch:
1. The Hills
2. CSI
3. Private Practise
4. Lipstick Jungle
5. Kath & Kim
6. Real Housewives (Orange County/NY etc)
7. The Office

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Claim Jumpers
2. Jasons
3. Texas Roadhouse
4. Applebees
5. Olive Garden
6. Corona Village
7. Blue Water Pizza (Australia)
8. Windsor (Australia)

8 Things that happened yesterday:
1. Cleaned the house
2. Did washing and folding up
3. Ironed
4. Took a nap with Cade
5. Ran to the store
6. Cooked something new for dinner
7. Searched for baby names
8. Went and saw Batman finally-it was AWESOME

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Finding out the sex of this baby
2. Kallan finishing treatment and getting the all clear (that's my prayer)
3. Being done with morning sickness
4. A happy healthy baby being born (and a happy healthy mum too!!)
5. Moving to a 3 bedroom apartment next summer
6. Cade's 2nd Birthday
7. Christmas with my sister and her family coming to visit
8. Graduation!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Standing Fast

I know that my last post was probably more than people wanted to know and that people do not know how to comment on such things but please know that we are hanging in there. I just struggle as most of my family are not active in the church and for that reason my most earnest and meaningful prayers are in their behalf. Church was emotional for me yesterday as I had just found out more news on the Kallan front before leaving for church but I am glad for the lessons taught both in testimonies shared and lessons prepared.
I was blog hopping this morning and found a post from a lady about the lesson she taught in RS yesterday and I just so felt the spirit in what she shared and am so thankful I stumbled across her message.

"Things like this happen to all of us in some shape or form. Hard things that we have to bear, just as Joseph Smith had to bear his trials to bring forth the gospel of Jesus Christ. These storms force us to learn, to grow, and prepare us to be celestial beings. There was a quote from the lesson that really struck me that Joseph Smith had said in speaking to the quorum of the twelve-
"You will have all kinds of trials to pass through. And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God. And said he, God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God."
So how am I able to stand all these trials that come to me? The answer came to me very simple, yet it is sometimes seems hard to do because I get caught up in the world and forget it.
"I know in whom I trust; I stand upon the rock; the floods cannot, no they shall not, overflow me."

For those interested in following Kallan's recovery my sister has created a blog on the families behalf www.kallanjamesegar.blogspot.com (See under FAMILY on my blog)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Feeling The Pull....

One of the hardest things I have found when pregnant is dealing with issues or trials that come along. I do not process very well when hormonal I have come to realize.
My pregnancy with Cade was so very wanted and althought it took us some time and I was sick (probably the best morning sickness one can get really), it was so worth every minute to have a happy, healthy baby. My pregnancy was laced with sadness in the fact that our brother-in-law Brett was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer at only 29 years old and it was just such a shock and a blow to all of us. I can not tell you how much I wished things were different at that time. My mum was also in a terrible accident 10 days before she was to fly out of Australia to come for Cade's birth and that was a time I had never felt so hopeless or helpless. I kept thinking that had my mum died, I couldn't have even travelled to her funeral I was so heavily pregnant. These stresses I truly did not cope well with. I look back and I did well in the fact that I had the happiness of this gorgeous child in which to lose myself but it was a hard time.
This pregnancy has not been without it's trials also. I share these things not for sympathy or understanding but merely to record for myself as my blog is essentially a thinking journal. My oldest nephew, Kallan, who is 10 years old, has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It is also a bone cancer. It is however a primary cancer, meaning, usually bone cancer is a secondary cancer but not in Kal's case. His is not terminal. It is in fact very treatable so there is definate positives to us. This cancer is a rare cancer that affects usually boys between the ages of 10-25 when they do the majority of their growing. It seems to affect the largest bones in the lower extremity (femur and tibia) and the upper arm bone (humerus). Kallans tumor is in his right humerus and is about 6cm x 5 1/2cm in size. He has seen some great doctors and has now been told he does have cancer. His parents had told him he had a tumor but decided against telling him he had cancer initially, which we all could totally understand. Kallan met with a specialist (I actually think it is the Dr that will oversee his treatment) and he did tell Kal he had cancer and that he had to be strong but they would get through it together. Kallan has a biopsy tomorrow and a PET scan I think it is and from there they will be scheduling 12 weeks of chemo. The hospital that is caring for Kallan is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from where they live and they will have to live in Ronald McDonald housing 3 days out of the week for his treatments. After the 12 weeks I believe they will remove the cancer affected bone and zap it directly with radiation and I am not sure if they replace it in the arm or if he received a grafted bone from elsewhere. I guess we will know more as time goes on. The doctor has said that the cancer had not spread but the scan tomorrow will confirm this. I just pray with all my heart he will pull through with flying colors. He is a fighter. Kallan holds a very special place in my heart. He was the first grand baby born and I was 16 when Kallan was born and I remember it very clearly. He was the most gorgeous child, always smiling, always happy. I have found myself at times, looking through photos of the kids when they were younger and Kallan and Cade look almost like the same child in some photos, it is relly nice to see. Kallan is probably the one that knows me the best out of all my nieces and nephews as he was the oldest when we left to move here. I just so wish I was there to love on him!
I also just got a call that my mum is in hospital. This is never a good thing. I started to feel the panic and my sister explained that she was violently ill, vomiting etc and had gone to the hospital and they sent her home with my sister and another of my sisters went to be with her for the day and she was so ill she couldn't even walk or crawl or anything to make it to the bathroom. They immediately took her to the hospital again and had her admitted. Poor thing. She can't even move her head without getting sick. They gave her a CT scan and ruled out bleeding on the brain for stroke etc but are thinking it may be vertigo. She is still in the hospital and is too ill for calls or visitors so I will have to wait to hear what the outcome is. It is awful to not be there at these times. I so feel the pull to want to be there, helping in some way. I have 4 sisters that all live really close to my mum and I know she is in the best hands possible and so is Kallan and his family for that matter. I just wish I was able to click my heels together and transport myself there and back whenever I wanted. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me when we moved, to not be there when family dramas occur but it has been harder than I imagined and that is possibly due to the pregnancy hormones running rampant also.
I just pray and pray knowing that Heavenly Father is where I can not be and taking care of things I can not. What a blessing and comfort prayer is to me at times like these. I just so dearly love my extended family and want nothing but health, strength and happiness for each of them. I just so feel that fight or flight pull to want to be there in every which way.

Friday, October 10, 2008

A Little Amount Me Tag...

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was 17 and working full-time as a Customer Service Rep at a credit union. My first job interview, my first job. The first grandbaby was born in our family just prior that year and I was loving my little nephew. This was the year I developed my sickness phobia and became a germ-a-phobe. I remember being super social and loving being with friends and shopping up a storm. Girls will be girls!


What are 5 things on my to-do list?
1. Filing bills and papers (I hate paper clutter)
2. Run to the store for some essentials
3. Take a nap and cuddle with Cade
4. Make something yummy for dinner
5. Deep clean my closet

What would I do with a Billion dollars?
Pay off any accumulated debt, give family some $$$ to get set up or help them save or get out of debt. Buy a home. Buy a holiday home. I would get fresh flowers delivered every week, get a personal chef/personal Martha Stewart to teach me all I want to know about cooking and gardening and self reliance with storage etc. invest, invest, invest the rest.

5 of my bad habits:
1. I bite my nails
2. I try clothes on from my closet and don't always hang them back up
3. I am too nice sometimes, can't say no and tend to get walked over
4. I waste too much time on the computer
5. I worry too much

5 places I have lived:
1. Legana TAS - Australia
2. Tannum Sands - QLD - Australia
3. Thornton NSW - Australia
4. Rutherford NSW - Australia
5. Laramie WY - USA

5 jobs I have had:
1. Customer Service Rep - Credit Union
2. Sales Consultant/Loans - Credit Union
3. Server - Applebees
4. Loan Processor - Bank
5. Loan Operations Supervisor - Bank


5 Things people don't know about me:
1. I can't stand being noticed because of my accent. It was hard for me when we first moved here as people would ask 50 questions about my life and I would know nothing about them, I felt it almost an invasion but I have learnt to get over that.
2. I am the youngest of 6 children
3. I have a guilt conscience when doing a calling or when people ask for time I don't have, I feel bad and think something terrible will happen if I don't do it.
4. I can't stand people touching me little toe - not that that happens much, just grosses me out
5. I like fish that does not taste like fish

5 People I tag:
1. Jill
2. Mary
3. Kara
4. Lauren
5. Ashley

Monday, October 6, 2008

I know, I know... 2 posts in one day, can you tell I am trying a little to hard to stay busy and avoid doing housework??
I stole this from Kara's blog (thanks Kara!!) and thought I would give it a go.

Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends. Copy then change all the answers so they apply to you, then post on your blog. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known!
1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:15
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Oh man... Hancock
4. Favorite TV show? The Hills, House, CSI
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Juice is my must these days and toast or cereal
6. What is your middle name? Elizabeth
7. What food do you dislike? Seafood.. I wish I liked it coz it looks good to me, just doesn't taste good.
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I like any Triple J hottest 100 (Aussie CD)
9. What kind of car do you drive? 2003 Toyota Camry or 1997 Honda Civic
10. Favorite sandwich? Tomato and cheese
11. What characteristic do you despise? Flakiness and disrespect
12. Favorite item of clothing? Jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Australia any given day but for somewhere new, Europe sounds lovely.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? I am not a brand girl really but I do like Aeropostale
15. Where would you retire to? Central Coast Australia or New England somewhere
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I got a lovely bunch of flowers this birthday and it wasn't that long ago so we will go with that!
17. Favorite sport to watch? Tennis
18. Furthest place you expect someone to look at this from? Australia
19. If you had a superpower, what would it be? Travel with the blink of an eye or a click of the heals, and to cure ills.
20. When is your birthday? September 8th
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I think I am a morning person as I get more done in the morning.
22. What is your shoe size? 8
23. Pets? None but a dog will likely be the first purchase after a house
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Hmmm I am 15 weeks pregnant...
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A mumma and a vet
26. How are you today? I'm doing okay, just a little worried about family in Aus.
27. What is your favorite candy? Sour patch kids
28. What is your favorite flower? Tulips
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Mid November to find out the sex of this little bambino
30. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Double fudge brownie
31. What are you listening to right now? Cade sleeping on my bed and CSI on TV
32. What was the last thing you ate? Mint drumstick
33. Do you wish on stars? Usually when I see the first star of this night I do.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red
35. How is the weather right now? Pre snow, cold and windy, typical Wyoming weather
36. Who was the first person you talked to on the phone today? Sandy
37. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew
38. Favorite restaurant? Jasons, Applebees, Texas Roadhouse
39. Real hair color? Dirty blonde
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Dolls and barbies
41. Summer or winter? Summer
42. Hugs or kisses? Hugs (unless they are from Cory or Cade)
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
44. Where was your last vacation? Colorado
45. When is the last time your cried? This morning
46. What is under your bed? Drawers built into our bed
47. What did you do last night? Had a yummy dinner, got Cade ready for bed, read, blog hopped for a bit, bed.
48. What are you afraid of losing? Family
49. Salty or sweet? Definately both
50. How many keys on your key ring? 5?
51. How many years at your current job? Almost 2 years
52. Favorite day of the week? Friday
53. How many towns have you lived in? 6
54. Do you make friends easily? I think so

A Few of My Favorites

I got to looking at some baby pictures of Cade and thought I would share a few of my favorites...


















Sunday, October 5, 2008

Feeling the pull

One of the hardest things I have found when pregnant is dealing with issues or trials that come along. I do not process very well when hormonal I have come to realize.
My pregnancy with Cade was so very wanted and althought it took us some time and I was sick (probably the best morning sickness one can get really), it was so worth every minute to have a happy, healthy baby. My pregnancy was laced with sadness in the fact that our brother-in-law Brett was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer at only 29 years old and it was just such a shock and a blow to all of us. I can not tell you how much I wished things were different at that time. My mum was also in a terrible accident 10 days before she was to fly out of Australia to come for Cade's birth and that was a time I had never felt so hopeless or helpless. I kept thinking that had my mum died, I couldn't have even travelled to her funeral I was so heavily pregnant. These stresses I truly did not cope well with. I look back and I did well in the fact that I had the happiness of this gorgeous child in which to lose myself but it was a hard time.
This pregnancy has not been without it's trials also. I share these things not for sympathy or understanding but merely to record for myself as my blog is essentially a thinking journal. My oldest nephew, Kallan, who is 10 years old, has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It is also a bone cancer. It is however a primary cancer, meaning, usually bone cancer is a secondary cancer but not in Kal's case. His is not terminal. It is in fact very treatable so there is definate positives to us. This cancer is a rare cancer that affects usually boys between the ages of 10-25 when they do the majority of their growing. It seems to affect the largest bones in the lower extremity (femur and tibia) and the upper arm bone (humerus). Kallans tumor is in his right humerus and is about 6cm x 5 1/2cm in size. He has seen some great doctors and has now been told he does have cancer. His parents had told him he had a tumor but decided against telling him he had cancer initially, which we all could totally understand. Kallan met with a specialist (I actually think it is the Dr that will oversee his treatment) and he did tell Kal he had cancer and that he had to be strong but they would get through it together. Kallan has a biopsy tomorrow and a PET scan I think it is and from there they will be scheduling 12 weeks of chemo. The hospital that is caring for Kallan is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from where they live and they will have to live in Ronald McDonald housing 3 days out of the week for his treatments. After the 12 weeks I believe they will remove the cancer affected bone and zap it directly with radiation and I am not sure if they replace it in the arm or if he received a grafted bone from elsewhere. I guess we will know more as time goes on. The doctor has said that the cancer had not spread but the scan tomorrow will confirm this. I just pray with all my heart he will pull through with flying colors. He is a fighter. Kallan holds a very special place in my heart. He was the first grand baby born and I was 16 when Kallan was born and I remember it very clearly. He was the most gorgeous child, always smiling, always happy. I have found myself at times, looking through photos of the kids when they were younger and Kallan and Cade look almost like the same child in some photos, it is relly nice to see. Kallan is probably the one that knows me the best out of all my nieces and nephews as he was the oldest when we left to move here. I just so wish I was there to love on him!
I also just got a call that my mum is in hospital. This is never a good thing. I started to feel the panic and my sister explained that she was violently ill, vomiting etc and had gone to the hospital and they sent her home with my sister and another of my sisters went to be with her for the day and she was so ill she couldn't even walk or crawl or anything to make it to the bathroom. They immediately took her to the hospital again and had her admitted. Poor thing. She can't even move her head without getting sick. They gave her a CT scan and ruled out bleeding on the brain for stroke etc but are thinking it may be vertigo. She is still in the hospital and is too ill for calls or visitors so I will have to wait to hear what the outcome is. It is awful to not be there at these times. I so feel the pull to want to be there, helping in some way. I have 4 sisters that all live really close to my mum and I know she is in the best hands possible and so is Kallan and his family for that matter. I just wish I was able to click my heels together and transport myself there and back whenever I wanted. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me when we moved, to not be there when family dramas occur but it has been harder than I imagined and that is possibly due to the pregnancy hormones running rampant also.
I just pray and pray knowing that Heavenly Father is where I can not be and taking care of things I can not. What a blessing and comfort prayer is to me at times like these. I just so dearly love my extended family and want nothing but health, strength and happiness for each of them. I just so feel that fight or flight pull to want to be there in every which way.